When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When are your genitals available?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
