she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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