I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
