did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
