she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
