bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
