She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
