i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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