So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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