I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
