i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
