he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Girls should come with a carfax report
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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