Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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