you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
