i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is classic penis vs brain.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
