This girl is more easily done than said...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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