1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
