This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
