bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
