I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
