sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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