I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
