I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
