The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
