you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
