i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
