Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
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