New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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