I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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