So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
