Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
