I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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