I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is it penis luge time yet?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
