Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
