Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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