i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
