Your tits are I can't wait for
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
