I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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