she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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