And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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