Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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