I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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