Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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