Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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