I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
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