The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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