Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
