so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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