There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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