its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
