Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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