Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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