Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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