Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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