The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
