hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
